You know what rules?

Finding your long-lost favorite jacket in a hidden compartment of a cabinet you haven't looked at in a long time. Then wearing it around your old high school (which for some reason is now a giant hockey stadium where a Blockbuster Video used to be) where everyone thinks its cool and that you're cool for wearing it, then waking up and realizing that it was a dream and you don't actually have your jacket. Also, you're tired and groggy.

Oh, no, wait. That sucks.

You know what rules?

When, after a horrible gastrointestinal pain wakes you up in the middle of the night, you go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet hoping to expel whatever it is that’s making you feel bad, but you wake to discover that you’ve somehow passed out onto the tile floor, breaking your glasses, driving plastic bits into your face, forcing you to super-glue the pieces together at 3:30am as your cheek bleeds and puffs up.

Oh, no, wait. That sucks.

You know what rules?

When, as you’re waiting for the elevator, you decide to munch on one of the fries that you got with your burger, but you lose control of the bag and the fries all spill out of the bag onto the floor, leaving nothing save a single fry in the fry bag and forcing you to clean up the hot greasy fries with your bare hand.

Oh, no, wait. That sucks.

You know what rules?

When, as you’re checking your work voicemail the system indicates that you need to delete some messages, so you go to the beginning to hear the love messages that your ex left for you years ago.

Oh, no, wait. That sucks.

You know what rules?

When you’re plugging your phone into your computer, you draw your hand across your keyboard, and the edge of a piece of paper there slices open your cuticle.

Oh, no, wait. That sucks.

You know what rules?

When you’re eating cereal at your desk, the bowl perched atop your keyboard wrist rest, and suddenly, it falls off, spilling half your breakfast onto your lap and the floor.

Oh, no, wait. That sucks.

You know what rules?

When the cover for the light fixture above your head comes loose unexpectedly and comes crashing down onto your monitor while you’re sitting in front of the computer playing Hexic, causing glass shards to fly all over you, your keyboard, your mouse, and your desk?

Oh, no, wait. That sucks.

You know what rules?

When you’re trying to pour a large box full of styrofoam packing peanuts into a bag, but you then discover that said bag has a large hole in it.

Oh, no, wait. That sucks.

You know what rules?

When some of the people you most expect to remember your birthday either forget it or think it’s the day after when it’s supposed to be.

Oh, no, wait. That sucks.

You know what rules?

When you’re talking with a cute girl, and she mentions graduation; and when you ask what school she goes to, she answers, “<Some Random> High School.”

Oh, no, wait. That sucks.

You know what rules?

When you’re working in the darkness under a desk, reaching behind the computer’s powerstrip, and you pull back your hand because you feel something juicy, and it turns out to be a spider you just squished.

Oh, no, wait. That sucks.